Hunter-gatherers and Farmers. Which are you?

There are truly no new ideas so I won't claim authorship of this one. Just rediscovery. I have been thinking a lot recently about who I am in relationship to the work I enjoy and have developed a set of mental models (analogies at best, self-deception at worst) to help me understand this better. I recently read Is the World Half Crazy? and came to the realization that I am a Creator Hare (as opposed to an Advancer Hare, Refiner Turtle or Executor Turtle). This explains why I like creating things out of whole cloth, but enjoy iterating and operating much less. Another distinction hit me today which I call "hunter-gatherers and farmers." An operating role is like being a farmer. You decide what crops to grow (where you want to place your bets and investments), you plant the seeds and nurture them until you can harvest the crop. How well you plant and cultivate, along with the randomness of the weather, determines what your yield will be. The hunter-gatherer, which I believe describes some aspects of what I enjoy most, surveys the landscape and goes after what is already out there that fits the need. My current role involving M&A-type activities fits this model as does my passion for recruiting talent for Amazon. Are these answers? No. But they are interesting lenses to view the world through and understand our place in it.

In Search of the Best of Seattle: Croissants (Part 1)

I am an inherently cautious person. Thus, it would be premature for me to crown the 'Roi de Croissant' from just one sampling from a limited selection. However, I had to start somewhere. I am fascinated and obsessed with finding the 'best' of anything. I would rather have a little of the best than an abundance of the mediocre. For the past year or so, I have been wondering whether it was possible to find a good croissant in Seattle. From our fairly frequent recent forays to Paris, I have developed a better appreciation for French food and wine and want to approximate if not closely replicate my gastronomic experiences there with what I can find here.

So, to the competition. The goal is to find the most authentic croissant in Seattle. If you are like me, you have noticed that what passes for a croissant here is a soft, fluffy, bread-like pastry whose only croissant-like feature is that it is in fact crescent-shaped. Enough is enough and I firmly believe that if you are going to eat a croissant, you are obliged to find a real one. For this particular taste test I chose to compare Besalu, located in Ballard with Cafe Presse near Seattle U, the offshoot and sister restaurant of Le Pichet near Pike Place Market.

Early Sunday morning I drove to Besalu and was pleased to run into my friend Gordon Waddell. I am glad he is well and he has a beautiful 14-month old daughter. I bought a croissant and a coconut macaroon (they looked so good and it occurred to me that I may want to do some early research into 'the best macaroon in Seattle' at some point). The croissant was still warm and they also gave me a little container house-made apricot confiture to go with it. I resisted the urge to tear into the buttery pastry right then and there and carefully raced to Cafe Presse to pick up the other contestant contemplating whether to plug in the incubator that I have been carrying around in the back of my car for a week to keep the croissant warm. The croissant I picked up at Cafe Presse was not piping hot having been prepared earlier in the morning. They also gave me some apple-rhubarb confiture.

Once home, I put on a pot of coffee and prepared my experiment, layout out both croissants, butter, the confitures, coffee cup, orange juice and some sparkling water to 'cleanse the palet' between samplings. The end-of-cycle spluttering of the coffee machine signaled that I was ready to start tasting.

Below is a picture of the matchup. Besalu's croissant on the right and Cafe Presse's on the left. Each came with a little house-made confiture, apricot and apple-rhubarb.

Visually the Besalu croissant was more appealing, having a slight shape but not overdone. The flaky exterior was also more authentic. On the texture front, Besalu won again with the right amount of crunch on the outside with glutenous stretch inside. Cafe Presse's croissant scored higher on smell and 'mouth feel' though with a silkier, more buttery finish. In the final analysis, though, I declared Besalu the winner.

Next matchup will be Besalu and Bakery Nouveau in West Seattle. With this face-off I hope to identify the best croissant in Seattle, though I am happy to also consider other contenders.

Kitty Cargo Cult

Every so often when I wander into my kitchen, I find Booger and Shy sitting on the floor staring up at the counter beside the stove. This has happened a number of times and I have pondered why they do this. It seems completely random. I never feed them from the counter and except for a very few times, they have never had anything other than their dry food and always from their bowls. Whenever I am making something interesting, they congregate and mill around my feet hoping, I think, that some morsel will fall on the floor (which I don't think it ever has). So what's the cargo cult part of this? Like the natives of Vanuata, in cat magical thinking, perhaps they believe in a causal relationship between them waiting for something to fall and me coming in and preparing something that interests them. In other words, they believe that sitting and staring at the counter will make me and food appear. Good luck you guys. It hasn't happened yet.

Day Sixteen - Park City, Utah

Alas, all good things must come to an end and it was time for me to come home. Having been on the road for two-and-a-half weeks I missed my own place, my cats and my city. Alan, Josee and I went skiing for a couple of hours mainly to look at the new houses being built slope-side in Deer Valley. A soak in the hot tub, a steam shower and a fresh set of clothes later I was ready for a late afternoon departure to begin the long drive back to Seattle but not before stopping at Robin's office to say goodbye and thank you to her, Kelly and Jim.

My goal was to make it to Boise before stopping for the night. However, fatigue overtook me near Twin Falls and I checked into a hotel where I slept instantly and deeply for nine hours before the alarm woke me.

The following day, Thursday was an uneventful if long drive up through Oregon and Washington to reach Seattle at about 6pm. Along the way I picked up a lovely home-baked apple pie that I shared with Helena and Vanya whom I stopped to visit in Issaquah on the way home. Finally arriving at my own house at 7:30, I grabbed a quick bite and hit the sack. The long, adventurous, satisfying roadtrip was done!

It was a lovely time with just the right amount of solitude, action, adventure, skiing and meet new people. I am very pleased I went. It was 16 days well spent!

Day Fifteen - Park City, Utah

Another day of no skiing and Josee was kind enough to take me to Sundance for lunch and to see her studio. It is beautiful up there and Robert Redford has done a great job of keeping it pristine and undeveloped. Josee's art is beautiful and I will post some images and descriptions of the pieces here when I get the chance.

Dinner that night was fondue, something I volunteered to prepare. Finding the cheese was less difficult than I thought it would be but the Kirschwasser, bread and wine were a different matter. It is hard enough to find authentic baguette in Seattle, let along Park City. The problem is that the crust is always a little too soft and the bread itself too doughy. How I long for a Parisian baguette! Also, Utah has some of the weirdest alcohol laws ever. First of all, wine and liquor are only sold in state liquor stores and second the selection is terrible. Alan, Philippe (Josee's 15-year old son) went into the store to procure the right ingredients and at the register I was asked if Philippe was my son. I said no and was told that state law prohibited me from buying alcohol for 24 hours since there is some presumption that I was buying it for Philippe. Very weird. We went to another store and picked up what we needed but that was a real shocker. What passed for Kirschwasser in Utah is not what I usually use so while the fondue was good, it was not great. Memo to self - bring own kirschwasser next time I want to prepare fondue in Utah...and bread?

Day Fourteen - Park City, Utah

No skiing for me. The knee was still sore and after four days straight I needed a break. Spent most of the day hanging at Mike's place, browsing the Internet and generally goofing off. Was fun though.

Day Thirteen - Park City, Utah

Once again, we convened at Mike's house (the perfect ski-in/ski-out rendezvous in Deer Valley, I must say) and had breakfast and lounged a bit before hitting the slopes. Bettina was on skis as she had been the day before and was kicking all our butts on the slopes. Today it was just she and I and we took the advantage of some new snow and the opportunity to ski some more aggressive terrain - such as there is in Deer Valley. The best part was the black diamond under the Empire Express lift. Steep, open and with some nice powdery moguls. The first time we skied the slightly shallower side of the bowl and it was a lot of fun. In fact it was so much fun we decided to do it again and went for the more challenging steep under the chair. This where I fell and lost a ski in the process. Kind of a mini yard-sale. I tweaked my knee (old medial collateral ligament sprain) and lost my confidence which pretty much ended my day though we did do some easier stuff on the way back to the house. A soak and a shower soon helped me feel better though the knee was and still is a little sore.

It was Sunday evening and unfortunately Bettina had to head back to Seattle so I saw her off at SLC and went back to Deer Valley for a quiet evening meal at Mike's. Dinner was prepared by Alan and Josee that night and it was fun to visit with them, Seanie, her daughter Hailey and Seanie's mom.

Day Twelve - Park City, Utah

Waking up was a little rough. I am not much of a partier. Really! Two days in a row was taking its toll. Nonetheless, we rallied and headed over to Mike's place in Deer Valley for breakfast and some skiing. Josee was kind enough to rustle up some eggs and toast and that along with some juice and coffee fortified us for the skiing day ahead. Paul and Anthony had left for Seoul and Shanghai respectively that morning (poor guys didn't get much sleep) so it was Don, Deb, Nancy, Don, Richard, Alan, Josee, Bettina and I; a respectable gang for a day of fun. There was not much new snow so we opted for a few hours of social skiing and a nice lunch at the Empire Lodge. A soak in the hot tub, a nice shower and a glass of wine later it was time for dinner, but not before seeing off the rest of the Hong Kong crew who had a late afternoon flight out of SLC.

That evening we had dinner with Robin, Seanie, Jim and a few others at the Blind Dog Grill in Park City. It was Jim's 49th birthday. Good meal and great company. Another evening of excess but what are vacations for anyway?

Day Eleven - Park City, Utah

Woke up early this morning which was easy yet painful on account of the sake I had consumed the evening before with Robin, Coni and her date, and headed down to Salt Lake City to pick up Bettina at the airport. The wonderful thing about skiing in Utah is that you can literally get off a plane and in less than an hour be on the slopes and that is exactly what we did, taking advantage of being on the west side of the mountains to ski at Snowbird. The Hong Kong crew were headed to Alta but since Bettina is a snowboarder and Alta is skier-only, we decided to visit the mountain next door.

It was snowing most of the way up there and we quickly donned our gear, got our tickets and hit the slopes. It was beautiful. There was almost a foot of new powder and lots of largely untouched terrain. I have to say this was one of the best ski days of my life. I was in good form and skiing well and the conditions were lovely. Bettina of course led the way and had me skiing a number of challenging blacks which is exactly what I needed to improve. We skied for about four hours before calling it quits; her because of having had such an early morning to make the flight to SLC; me because of having had such a late night. Nonetheless an unforgettable experience.

Afterwards, we repaired to our hotel, a lovely Swiss-alp style resort called Zermatt in Midway, located not too far from Park City. The staff were all dressed in clothing reminiscent of the stereo-typical Bavarian ledderhosen and bloused shirts, and the decor was very faux Swiss ski chalet. Charming non-the-less.

Dinner that evening was at '350' located in historic downtown Park City. Why is it called 350? At a time where coming up with a catchy name for a restaurant is a challenge, how about just using the street address as the name? I am actually thinking of naming my house '1000' for the same reason, as in "let's meet at 1000 this evening" or "what's happening over at 1000 today?" We were a big party with the Hong Kong crew, Coni, her date, Seanie, Robin, Bettina, Huang and I. Lovely meal which we celebrated in the name of someone's birthday (the wine was flowing so liberally that I am ashamed to say that I can't remember whose. Maybe Don or Paul?) Afterwards we went across the street to a no-name club/bar where the women got in free and we had to pay a cover charge. I tried to argue that we were bringing more women but that didn't wash. Oh well. My, what a meat market! Bettina and Huang (an attractive 30-something Park City Realtor who had attached herself to our party some time the day before) were cornered by a couple of twenty-somethings when they strayed too far from our herd and had to extract themselves from a pickup-artist-like scene. Having never actually picked up anyone in a bar and seeing how transparent the scene is I have to admit that it must work sometimes otherwise no-one would do it. But that is the subject of another post.

So around midnight or maybe 1am we decide we have had enough and head back to Zermatt for the night but not before being asked in the elevator on the way down from the club by some twenty-something guys cut from the same cloth as the aforementioned whether Bettina and I had met that night or had arrived together. I replied, "Does it matter?" and left it at that.

Day Ten - Park City, Utah

Woke up early and packed the car for the drive to Park City. After a few days of scritchy-scratchy in Jackson Hole I was ready for something different. It was snowing lightly on the drive down and got much heavier as I went on. Almost a blizzard! At one point a truck ahead of me almost fishtailed off the road. Nonetheless, the drive went quickly and I soon found myself in Park City where I went immediately to Robin's office. We moved my ski gear into her car and headed up to Deer Valley where we wanted to ski a couple of hours and meet with some friends for a late dinner. We were fortunate to be able to be able to use Mike's house as a home base. It is a lovely place offering terrific ski-in/ski-out and excellent apres facilities.

Robin, Alan and I did a few runs and met the Hong Kong crew at the Empire Lodge for a nice long apres before dinner. I ended up going to dinner with Robin, Coni and her date a pretty decent sushi place (given how far Park City is from any large fish-bearing body of water). This was the start of what would be six days of partying unlike anything I had done since college.

Deer Valley is a nice if not particularly challenging ski area. Most runs are green or blue with some moderate blacks. Suitable for 'social skiing' or perhaps tailored for those who have already had their ACL surgery.

Day Nine - Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Did not ski today. Was a beautiful day, sunny and warm and the slopes were not fun looking. Instead, after a late breakfast I headed into Jackson. The downtown is quite quaint with old frontier-style buildings and wooden plank sidewalks. However, the area is dominated by chain stores like Coldwater Creek and other outdoorsy-type retailers, and art galleries all featuring overpriced paintings and sculptures with wildlife and landscape themes. Whatever happened to quaint and unique shops where you can buy something authentic and local?

I headed north out of town and drove along the Grand Tetons, stopping occasionally to snap pictures from slightly different perspectives. In the sunlight with the snow still cloaking the mountains, it was truly a glorious sight to behold.

Day Eight - Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Skied only a couple of hours today. The weather is kind of overcast and the slopes are really scritchy-scratchy. It was on a double blue with no edge control whatsoever on account of how slick it was that I decided that skiing is for enjoyment and not for the masochistic satisfaction of being able to "tough it out" under any conditions. This is not to say that it was all bad, just that it didn't meet the threshold of enjoyment versus other things I could be doing such as reading, writing or just sitting down with a cup of coffee and thinking. Now I am sitting in a little cafe in the hotel and doing all four!

Day Seven - Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Not all ski areas are created equal. Jackson Hole is a cut above almost anywhere else I have skied in terms of terrain and variety. First of all, they are not content with the standard green, blue, black and double black designations. No, they have inserted a double blue in there. Secondly, the mountain is steep. What many resorts call a black, Jackson Hole labels a double blue. Their blacks are some other place's double blacks. The difference between double blue and black? From what I can tell it is mainly whether they are groomed or not. I talked to an instructor on the chair today and remarked at the steepness and compared the terrain to Big Sky. He shared that locally they refer to Big Sky as "Big Lie." I can see his point; this mountain pretty much blows Big Sky away by most measures.

As this was my first day, I did a survey of the mountain taking various chairs and runs to see what was what. They haven't had any new snow in several days which has made most of the snow pretty scritchy-scratchy (my term for runs that are not icy but kind of crusty). It was a glorious day here with the sun beating down from a cloudless sky and temperatures well into the upper thirties. This was good as by late morning it helped soften the snow and make it more easily skiable. I ended up skiing until 2pm with a quick sandwich break around noon. After a beer in the sun slope-side, I retired to my hotel where I took a sauna and a jacuzzi which definitely took any edge off. Tomorrow, I have a late afternoon massage scheduled.

I do hope for new snow in the next couple of days, but will settle for another sunny and warm day like today.

Day Six - Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Last night was the annual Dirt Bag Ball in Big Sky with a lot of the festivities held at Buck's T4 where I was staying. It was fun seeing everyone dressed in bizarre outfits and they looked like they were having a great time. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling so well so I spent the evening writing and watching movies.

This morning it was overcast and about freezing so I decided to skip slope-time and head down to Jackson Hole where I will be for the next several days. After breakfast, I packed up and hit the road. The drive south was beautiful through snow-covered meadows, mountains and the vast open plains of Idaho. Took a little more than three hours, faster than I thought, and I arrived at the Jackson Hole ski area at about 2pm.

I am staying at Terra, an "eco-hotel" in the main village. It is well-appointed and more importantly ski-in. The have an Italian osteria called, well, Osteria where I had a delicious lunch. The white bean soup was terrific and the bread was very authentic (unsalted and the same texture as that I had in Tuscany).

The slopes here look terrific and I can't wait to get out there tomorrow morning.

Death by Technocrat

I have been thinking a lot recently about the evolution of companies from their founding to their growth and success and ultimately to their becoming just like every other company and their eventual 'deaths.' There is a certain inevitability, it seems, to this pattern. I think about all the great companies I have seen start from nothing, come of age, evolve, blossom and grow. When they reach a certain stage or size, they lose something, the thing that made them great, and that loss leads to their mediocrity and presages their future decline. What is it? Why does this happen? I am sure that many more educated and experienced people have written a lot about this. There must be hundreds of business school case studies about this phenomenon.

Here's my theory based on my own observations. I called it 'death by technocrat.' When a company reaches a certain size, managing the business well becomes difficult and the ad hoc processes and systems created by the entrepreneurs who started the company no longer scale. At that point, "professionals" are brought in. Professional marketers, product management, technologists and the like. There is nothing wrong with these people. They have, through experience in larger businesses and their education, learned a set of patterns of 'best practices' that help overcome the obstacles and inefficiencies from which the new, fast-growing company is suffering. These technocrats help a lot and make it possible for the company to get to the next level. In fact, they can help the new company to achieve even greater levels of success. However, the seeds of the young company's death are sewn when this happens. New processes and procedures based on 'tried-and-true' ways of operating end up obliterating the entrepreneurial spirit and creativity that made the company what it was.

I am sure that there is more to discuss about this phenomenon and its cause. However, I am not really interested in the details of why it happens unless it can help me to understand what can be done to ameliorate the technocrat's impact on the soul of what made the new company great to begin with. What I want to figure out is how to build a permanently evolving, innovating and successful company that retains in its core the unconventional entrepreneurial characteristics I love so much about young, fast-growing companies.

This requires more thought. Much more thought.

Day Five - Big Sky, Montana

Feeling a bit better today so I saddled up after breakfast and headed to Moonlight Basin, a ski area on the northern side of Lone Mountain, over the ridge from Big Sky. It is a much more homey feeling resort than Big Sky and smaller. I was able to park within 20 yards of where I could put on my skies and head for the lifts. It was sunny this morning and quickly warmed up, getting into the 40s. After lunch I changed into much lighter spring skiing gear since I was a little warm in the morning. Moonlight Basin's main attraction are the Headwater chutes, a set of double black diamond runs high up on the mountain. I passed skiing Headwater this trip since I am not ready, yet. Next time. I also want to do these with a guide to be safer. I skied a lot of single blacks, both steeps and moguls which was fun. I also did a few gladed runs. I have never skied trees before and it was a new challenge for me, especially when there were bumps and trees - a veritable obstacle course. It was fun and I got more comfortable with the kind of control you need to ski this type of terrain. I am glad I had a helmet though.

Day Four - Big Sky, Montana

I started off the day with the intention of heading up the hill again but after breakfast my hacking cough and runny nose said otherwise. I have been taking sudafed and nyquil to mask the symptoms but am sick of feeling crummy. So, I decided to take a break today and get over the cold I have been fighting for the past five days. I think I am over the worst and just want it done so I can feel better for the rest of my trip. I have a two day pass for Moonlight Basin and will ski there until Sunday afternoon when I head down to Jackson Hole. Today gave me the chance to upload some photos, catch up on my correspondence and see a string of middling movies on the various HBO channels. It feels like a long time since I have goofed off for a whole day.

Poker and Politics in Montana

I was surprised to learn that any bar in Montana can also have a poker table. This came in especially handy tonight since I was feeling a little better and wanted to have some fun. Sat down at a table in a bar in the Big Sky resort. The game is run by Joe and his wife Joann. They play button-choice Tahoe high-low or Hold'em. When I arrived there were only a few people at the table but it quickly filled with as many as nine players at once. There was an interesting mix. A few local kids (really, they couldn't have been much older than 18, the legal age to play in Montana), some engineers from a conference being held at the hotel and a succession of middle-age, Orange County republicans who were apparently all vacationing together with their respective families. I clicked well with the locals and the engineers but could not with the OC repubs. This is no surprise, and one of them even mentioned that Obama's middle name is 'Hussein' to which I replied that McCain's middle name is 'Sidney' and whether that made him a girly man to which he replied that McCain is a war hero, after all. A quick Keating Five reference quieted him down some. I don't mind having an intelligent and informed political discussion but hate it when I have to rebut demagogic talking points.

Anyway, back to the poker. Played for about three hours in a 1-2 blind game with max $10 bet and three raises and ended up $140. Not bad for a $60 buy in. In fact I only one two hands and played very few overall. With these lose games it is easy to get sucked in and play as crazily as some of the others at the table; a recipe for disaster. I may play again before I head to Jackson Hole on Sunday.

Day Three - Big Sky, Montana

I didn't get up to the slopes until 1pm today since I had to take care of some business (getting some documents notarized, UPS'ing them back, etc). It was much simpler than I thought. My hotel pointed me at the American Bank about two miles from where I am staying. I drove there and the manager, Ross, was happy to sit with me while I signed and he notarized the docs. I asked him how much I owed since in Seattle banks typically charge $10 or so if you're not a customer. He was taken aback and said he was happy to do it out of hospitality. In fact, all the locals I have met here have been warm and kind people. The bank even had a couple of dogs hanging out in the lobby who would greet each customer and the customers would also greet them by name. Very sweet.

It was much warmer today and got up to maybe 25 on the slopes. I shed the arctic gear I have worn for the past couple of days and donned my spring skiing gear. At times on the lift I was a little cold, especially when the wind picked up, but after I got moving again I was quite comfortable.

I had a nice day revisiting my favorite slopes from the past couple of days. This was the last day I am skiing Big Sky. Tomorrow and Saturday, I will be at Moonlight Basin, on the other side of the mountain from Big Sky. I am excited to try a new place and it has a terrific looking mix of blacks and blues offering plenty of opportunity to mix it up and continue to challenge myself.

Physically I am holding up well. I thought this much skiing would take more of a toll on my body but I have little soreness even after 5+ hours on the slopes each day. I am heartened that the aerobic and strength conditioning I have been doing has helped prepare me for the trip.

Day Two - Big Sky, Montana

This cold I have is really bringing me down. I dosed on NyQuil last night to get a good night's sleep and did until about 3am when I had a prolonged uncontrollable coughing fit. I was up until 5am and then fell asleep again until 7am. I didn't feel great this morning but not poorly enough not to ski. After breakfast I saddled up and drove up the mountain. It was cold; nine degrees by my truck's thermometer. Strangely, when I got to the mountain it had 'warmed up' to 15 degrees. It snowed most of today, at times heavily with some great sun breaks. I had intended to take it easy today but the day and my enthusiasm got the best of me and I skied from first to almost last chair with a couple of breaks along the way. The morning I spent skiing bumps and powder on mixed black and blue terrain since we got six or so fresh inches over night. In the afternoon, I worked on my form, speed and control on some moderately groomed blues.

This morning I realized that every time I put on my skis for the first time for a day that I feel awkward and hesitant for my first few runs. It takes a while to get my head back into the right space where it 'flows.' It is as if I am afraid I have forgotten everything that I know about skiing with each new day and I need to 'remember' it before I can go on. I have taken to warming up and stretching before I hit the slopes and I hope that this transient fear will go away with time.

Today I observed a strange and disturbing husband/wife interaction. I was taking a traverse to Mad Wolf which also goes on to the upper Elk Park Ridge and I heard a woman whining to her husband in an incredibly nasal voice, "Stanley, this goes to a black diamond and you know I can't do that. It's too hard." Stanley replied gruffly, "Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about." It went back and forth like this for a couple of rounds as we headed to Mad Wolf (the black diamond). I offered that they could continue to traverse on the cat track until they got to the blue slope they wanted. They didn't appear to hear me and continued to bicker. Stanley decided to try to traverse across the top of Mad Wolf while his wife stayed on the cat track. It was somewhat gratifying to see Stanley fall hugely on his ass in the steep and powdery moguls. Serves him right for being such a jerk to his wife.

Dancing On the Slopes

My past couple of times on the slopes I have had these moments I characterize as playing or dancing while I am skiing. In these moments, I am in the flow and feel free to move in whatever direction I want, turn however I want and skip down the slope. On Exterminator, a big moguled black diamond at Crystal, this past Saturday I felt exhilarated at being able to pick and choose which bumps to ski and how. It felt like skipping down a set of stones embedded in the hillside. Today I had a similar experience in the powder, floating and flowing down the hill, carving where I want, going faster and slower. I am starting to believe that these moments are what skiing is all about. I want more of them and this trip is about helping me find them.

Day One - Big Sky, Montana

Having fallen asleep early, I woke up at 7am (6am PT) eagerly anticipating the day ahead. After a good hot breakfast and preparing my gear, I drove up the mountain arriving at a little before nine. It was cold and got colder as I ascended. 19 degrees at the base. It had also been snowing all night. Six inches at the base and a foot of new powder at the summit where it was a chilly 10 degrees. I had been planning for warmer weather and quickly switched to my arctic gear, not that I am not complaining.

Early in the day, I headed up to Lone Peak in search of some challenging runs and the most powder I could find. The snow was falling fast and furious and the light was super flat making for some of the most challenging skiing I have ever done. Lone Peak opens into a big bowl with the main run, a black diamond, called Never Sweat and a chance to drop into the bowl from Turkey Traverse. It was a lot of fun and I fell a couple times in the steeps with the low vis and flat light. Looking forward to skiing it again when it is clearer. You can also take a tram to the peak but the only outs are shoots that are all double black, something I am not ready for yet (again).

After a quick bite and a beer, I decided to take the afternoon a little easier. I am fighting a cold and had downed a Sudafed to keep the coughing and running nose at bay. This made the beer seem more like a six-pack and made for some not-quite-so-comfortable runs. I was always safe bit a little looped. It wore off in 30 minutes or so. Most of the afternoon I skied Andesite Mountain and discovered the area around the Thunder Wolf lift, especially Elk Park Ridge, a huge and beautiful ridge with lots of powder and interesting terrain. There'll be more new powder tomorrow and I plan to start there.

It was on my second run on Elk Park Ridge that I realized at that moment I was happier than any time I can remember recently. It is not that I have been unhappy; in fact things have been going very well both for and with me. It was more that my life has been marked by an absence of bliss. Indeed, much of my life has been blissless. What was special about that moment? The day was beautiful and the sun had peaked out. My body felt good and I was skiing well. However, I don't believe that this was the cause of my bliss. Instead, it felt like I was truly in the moment. Everything else disappeared and all that was left was the moment and me present in it. The simplicity of this was stunning. Now I want to see whether I can bring that same presence to moments that are more mundane and less pleasant. We will see.

T Plus/Minus Zero

Uneventful drive to Big Sky. Roughly 10 hours with a couple gas stops on the way. Wanted to gas up at Costco's along the way and succeeded at that in Coeur d'Alene but wasn't able to find one in Butte (there is one but mapping screwed me up). Listened to various David Sedaris audio books on the way which made the trip go quickly. I am glad that this, the longest leg of my overall trip, is over. Have a bit of a cold but between the natural and the unnatural remedies I brought with me, I won't let it get in the way of slope-time. Apparently they have just had a cold snap and some new snow here for which I am thankful. Forecast to get some more over the next few days for which I am grateful.

In planning this trip, it hit me that I have been thinking about a Winter dedicated to skiing for a few years now. It certainly has worked out. The lesson for me is that when you really want to do something, you just need to figure out how and make it happen. I have spent a lot of time wanting to do things and have let some perceived barrier be in the way of just making a plan and executing it. Inevitably, whenever I set my mind to doing something and I go and start doing it, I wonder what took me so long to get started. I hope that writing this down will help me remember this the next time.

T Minus One

I am finally ready to start my Winter adventure. Tomorrow morning I will start my almost-three-week ski trip by driving to Big Sky where I will stay for six nights to ski Big Sky and Moonlight Basin. I am excited. What will it be like? Who will I meet? Will the weather be good? Will I be happy? The prospect of spending a lot of time on the road is something I relish. Something about the space and the time for wool gathering really puts the zap on me. Inevitably, I reach some realizations that lead to big positive changes in my life. I don't know what those will be but I am both curious and anxious to find out.

Most of the trip I will be alone but will be visiting a friend in Park City about half-way through my time on the road. I don't mind being alone, generally finding that I don't get enough solo time unless I deliberately build it into my schedule. I also find that when I am by myself I meet the most interesting people, many of whom end up in my extended network of acquaintances with whom I check in every so often.

Never having been much into photo-taking (photography is far too grandiose a term for what I do with a camera), I plan to over-document this trip and share the pictures with whomever cares to view them. Stay tuned to this spot for commentary on the trip as well.

With the price of gasoline, I am planning to make this a Costco event and have charted out their various locations en route to fill up. Besides, you never know when you might need 96 rolls of toilet paper when you're traveling.

(My First Double Black) Diamond in the Rough

And I mean rough. Today, after skiing the morning with Vanya, I decided to mix it up a bit and went up Blackcomb solo. Over the past month or so my skills have really improved to the point where a) I need some lessons to take me to the next level and b) I am willing to take more risks. My thinking has been if I take care, there is little that I can get into that I can't get out of. That has mostly been the case until today. I took the Glacier Express and instead of doing the normal runs traversed off-piste to what looked like a nice unskied-out bowl. I was heartened that there were a couple of other guys heading that way too. There was a gate the said "double black diamond ahead, expert skiers only." Looking through the gate at the bowl it looked pretty sweet and I went for it. The first part of the run, which I later learned was called 'Big Bang' was steep but not too bad. Piece of cake, right? No. That run ended at abruptly at a cliff which is called 'Couloir Extreme,' which I believe is French for 'you should have read that sign back there.'

I was frightened. There were no outs, just cliffs and bare rock to the left and the right. I pondered my fate. The only way was down. Nothing else to do but go for it. If I told you that I did the whole slope on my skies, I would be lying. I definitely slid some of it on my butt. The good news is that after about 20-30 yards of rocky steep it widened out and while still super steep it was skiable. At the bottom, my friends (the two guys I followed through the gate) were waiting. They had also carefully picked their way down and we took photos of each other to have at least some record of the feat. I was a little shaken and rebuilt some of my confidence by beating up on some unsuspecting blue and single black diamond slopes. I was zooming. In the end, I think my confidence had an overall net improvement. Now I am actively seeking the next challenge and feel like over the next month of so there will be more of these kinds of challenges in my future.

Also, I think I should buy myself a helmet.

Ski Bum Tour 2008

On a power-walk the other day I had an idea, "Why not take a few weeks and travel to all the ski resorts I have always wanted to visit but haven't gotten around to yet?" Thus was born "Ski Bum Tour 2008." Starting 3/3 I will be driving from Seattle to Big Sky, then Jackson Hole followed by Park City and Sun Valley, returning to Seattle 3/21. I will spend 4-5 days skiing at each and try to fulfill my goal of becoming an expert skier before the end of this winter. To prepare, I have spent nine days skiing locally and in Tahoe and will be in Whistler for a week as well. My fitness level is better than it has been in years having lost 20-25 lbs since Christmas and spending a lot of time at the gym building my stamina and aerobic capacity.

I will be blogging the trip here and will share what is sure to be an amazing experience.

Romeo and Juliet

We saw PNB's production of Romeo and Juliet on Saturday. It was a masterpiece. I don't say this lightly. At first I was a little taken aback by Jean-Christophe Maillot's choreography which was a big departure from the most widely performed stagings based on Sir Kenneth MacMillan's 1965 and John Cranko's 1969 adaptations. Cranko's presentation is true to the time period and beautifully captures the mood, drama and tragedy as the story unfolds. I am less familiar with MacMillan's 1965 choreography but suspect it shares much with Cranko's as a vehicle for the principal characters to show off their prowess (after all, Nureyev and Fontaine were the among those featured in MacMillan's production).

Maillot's choreography borrows liberally and completely appropriately from the classical, modern and folk. The depth of feeling and emotion conveyed through the dancers was startling, a far cry from the form-following character straight-jacketing from which most classical ballet's suffer (I still consider R&J to be classical). The choreography also gives a wider range of dancers exposure in significant roles. Besides Romeo and Juliet, Tybalt, Mercutio, the Nurse and the Friar add unique and story-enriching dimension to this Shakespearean drama. I am especially drawn to the Friar who seems to also play the role of Fate and appears at critical junctures as the tragedy unfolds.

There is so much more I could write about this beautiful piece but will leave it at this. If you ever get the chance to see this adaptation, grab it!

Google's Ad(non)sense

A few days after I post new blog entries, I see that my Google Adsense ad usually changes. The one I noticed today makes absolutely no sense whatsoever though. Who would have thought that a blog that has lately been focused on skiing, random wonderful people I have met while traveling and other self-absorbed topics would result in this?

Big Women - Pics Galore

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BBWDatefinder.com

Could it be like Amazon's recommendations? Perhaps. Imagine: "People like you who love skiing and sharing stories also love... BBW." Maybe they are onto something (though I doubt it; or their algorithms need a little tweaking). Or is this Google trying to get me to broaden my horizons?

But Wait! It Gets Better

After the musicians finished playing this evening, we got on the plane, pushed back and were told of *another* hour long delay, until 8:42pm. They taxi onto the field and pull up to wait for clearance beside a number of other planes in the same position we were. Mercifully, the crew let us get up, use the rest room and were happy to serve us booze (in 1st class). After a couple of bloody marys I hit the head and notice the cockpit door was open. Feeling a little less inhibited than I might otherwise be, I poked my head in and ask if I could take a look. They not only said yes, they invited me to get my camera and offered to take pictures of me 'flying' the plane (posted in my Facebook album). How cool is that? I felt like a 12 year old. Man, Vanya is going to be so jealous. This and some great conversations with my seat-mate (former college football player, and food and wine connoisseur) and a shared taxi ride into the city with two lovely, attractive (and attached) ladies made the whole trip feel like a grand adventure. Even though I arrived almost eight hours later than originally planed I had some terrific adventures and experiences along the way. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Page-Turner In Training

Today was a pretty hellish day. It started early at 4am when I got up to head to SeaTac for my 6am flight to LGA via ORD. Memo to self: never, ever fly through Chicago in the winter. What, am I stupid? Probably. Flight SEA-ORD was going to be delayed until 7:30. Magically it went back to 6:20am and we were off. Kind of. Get my seat and my phone rings. 6am. Who could it be? Why, it is United calling me to tell me my 1pm ORD-LGA leg has been canceled and they have kindly booked me on the 5pm. Fuck. Ok. Get to ORD (a little early, even) and get on the phone to get on the 3pm to LGA. So far, so good. Go to gate and find that has been delayed to 5pm too. Fuck! Again. Call UA back and switch back to original 5pm flight since it would be a wash and I had a better seat. New 5pm flight moved to 6:35pm. Fuck, fuck. Ok. Get some food, write some blog entries, do some email. Good, right? No! 6:35pm moved to 7:53pm. Fuckedy, fuck, fuck. Resigned to my fate I sit in the simplicity of the now. What now? Boy, there are a bunch of musicians with violins, violas and cellos waiting for the same flight. They break out their instruments and have an impromptu concert. Turns out they are the world renowned Orpheus Chamber Orchestra. They play two pieces. Pictures and video posted on Facebook. Totally broke the tension and downer that everyone was feeling from the repeated delays. This group of 15 musicians were playing right next to us. I was so close that I served as a page turner for the violists. For a crummy day, this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I can even say it was worth it.

Powder Haiku

Powder, snow's soft kiss
Seducing and embracing
Float or you will fall

The Script

I have been wondering why people tend to ‘freak out’ at some point in their lives, end relationships abruptly, leave jobs, move elsewhere out of the blue. Over the past several months I have formed a hypothesis. Certainly not new or unique hypothesis, but one that I try to test against reality to see how well it matches. What is this hypothesis? Most of us hit some wall in our lives where we wake up one day and suddenly see the stark discrepancy between the reality of our current situation and our largely unconscious and deeply-rooted expectations, the ‘script’ of how our life is supposed to play out.

This makes sense, I suppose, since we are continuously bombarded with all sorts of messages about what will make us happy, what others expect of us and what we need to achieve and do to be successful. I have certainly had periods where I felt the terrible abyss between what I had thought I was doggedly pursuing and what would make me truly happy. Further, I think that the ‘script’ drama plays out differently for men and women. In women, I have observed something I call the ‘danger years.’ These are arguably between about 28 and 35. Many women I have known have abruptly changed relationships, jobs, cities because they were trying to deal with a deep sense of disease and dissatisfaction about how their lives are going. For women, I think this largely has to do with desire and expectation to have children. At the risk of oversimplifying (as many hypotheses do), I have seen the struggle many women have had around feeling like if they are going to have children, they need to hop right on it in tension with whether this is what they really want in their lives. Some women badly want to have children and their script drama has to do with finding a suitable mate and starting a family when conditions in their lives (their current relationships, career aspirations, etc.) have made pursuing this difficult. Others are in a somewhat opposite situation. They have a mate and have made other choices compromises in order to make it easier to start a family, but find that this is not the life they want to lead.

For men, I don’t think the script drama is so bound by a particular age or life circumstance. For me at least, I go through periodic cycles of wondering what it is all about and whether I am doing the right thing. Men do not have the same time-based concerns as women around having children. Men’s dramas, I believe, are more centered on whether they are fulfilling some picture of being a successful man and achieving the material and social status that society uses to assess worth.

So what does this all mean? Not much I suppose. When you are in the script drama, it is hard to gain any perspective since it literally feels like life or death. Perhaps age has given me some perspective, at least on the dramas that I have lived in the past. Getting older has helped me to be more realistic about who I am, who I can hope to be and what I believe will make me happy.

Powder Days

Back from Tahoe and making a commitment to ski thirty days this season. Up to day eight and plans for lots more. It is a wonder what some well-timed skiing tips (thanks to Bettina and several random conversations with anonymous strangers on the chair lifts), diligent practice and risk-taking along with desire can accomplish. This past week I skied twice at Crystal and both days there was lots of new powder. The first day, I was pretty tentative and just touched on the powdery stuff but didn’t dive in whole hog. However, on the second day I resolved to conquer my fear and get in knee deep no matter the outcome. It worked! Taking the sage advice to “float” I spent the better part of the day in untracked and lightly tracked powder and with the exception of a few spectacular face-plants and a getting bogged down when I let my speed die, I did well and had a great time in the process. Now I know what people are marveling at when they talk about when they go on and on and on and ON and ON AND ON about powder. Somewhat sore, body mostly intact and with a renewed desire to move solidly up to the next level, I look forward to more powder adventures next week when I am back from NYC.

What came first, the music or the misery?

So starts High Fidelity, the most juvenile, self-centered, meaningful movie I think I have ever seen. Do I identify with Rob? You bet I do.

Anyway, driving to Crystal Wednesday, I found myself annoyed, angry at people on the road, frustrated with the state of the world from listening to NPR and generally in a foul mood. I have been developing more of a consciousness about what I am feeling and when I am reacting in the moment and trying to apply the principal of detached observation. This is something I had been aware of for a while but re-picked up from reading Instinct for Freedom. I used to remain so engrossed in my upset or else backlash and feel shitty about how I am reacting and beat myself up. Holding the neutral stance is hard but has the power to diffuse the feelings if you are willing to sit in whatever is happening for long enough. During this particular episode, I backtracked and realized that I was angry before anything I felt upset about had actually occurred. Wondering further, I pondered whether this is how it usually works. We get upset, we find something to be upset about and then fixate on that as the cause creating the rationale for how we feel. Not much more to say about this one. Call it realization number twelve thousand, five hundred and sixty two.

Alpine Meadows

Today we skied Alpine Meadows, on the north end of Lake Tahoe. Was a terrific day. A little overcast but pretty good visibility. I was still struggling earlier in the day until Bettina told me that I was poling opposite to how I should. I have no idea how that happened. As soon as I corrected it was an entirely new game and my form and enjoyment improved ten-fold. Alpine Meadows has some good, varied terrain with a fresh coat of powder to make some of the runs more challenging. Today, I skied in more powder than I have cumulatively in my life I think (slight exaggeration perhaps but I was always afraid of powder but today I started to really get how to keep on top of things despite sailing through a foot of the stuff). All-in-all, a really terrific day. Tomorrow more new powder is forecast and we are looking to spend the day in Squaw Valley which should be a hoot.

Mount Rose

Yesterday, we skied Mount Rose, a little resort just above Incline Village at the north end of Lake Tahoe. It was my first day on my new Volkl AC30's. I was nervous about switching to a new pair of skis having retired my 9-year old pair of Volant Powercarves. Skis have changed a lot in the past decade, that's for sure. Even though the Volant's are parabolic, the new generation of skis are even more so. The new boards are fatter at each end and rounded, the tips and tails are also a little more turned up. For the first few runs I was a little uncomfortable since the skis felt like they were over-steering and I had to get used to how quickly they responded. The Volkl's handled the groomed very well and made powder skiing easier than it has ever been. By the end of the day I had confidently navigated a nice steep powdery black diamond. All-in-all, I am glad that I bought these new skis and look forward to many more days slope-side this winter pushing them and myself to new heights.

Commitment and Sticking to Goals

During my whole-body detox, I sometimes wondered if I could stick with it for the whole 21 days. I saw an article posted on Reddit about some Japanese Buddhist monks who take a vow to run incredible distances almost every day for eight years. If these guys can do it, then eating healthily and detoxing for 21 days can't be hard. Whenever I am faced with something that feels too hard to stick to, I think of the Japanese monks.

To Go To Tahoe

Imagine my surprise, when out of the blue the other day, my old-old-old friend Jeff Crowe messaged me asking if I wanted to go skiing and stay at his place in Tahoe. Jeff and I go way back. Way, way, way back. To 11th grade at Herndon High School. He kindly befriended a somewhat awkward sixteen year-old kid who had just moved back from England after eight years and was trying to adjust to life as a junior at an American high school. Jeff is one of the most big-hearted and gregarious people I know. I have many fond memories of skipping out of school at lunch time to smoke and get food at a nearby strip mall (not allowed at the time). I even remember the time we were pulled over by the cops leaving the school with license plates that were three months expired and getting off with a warning.

We lost touch for many years mainly as the result me starting to date someone he had dated just prior (a poorly-thought-out act on my part I will admit). Happily, after several years Angela, Jeff and I are still in touch.

I am exited to catch up with Jeff and meet his new wife next week in Tahoe. A lot has happened in the last 20 years so I am sure there will be plenty to share.

Detox

Before my leave started, I decided to do a 'detox' near the beginning of my time off. Having never done one before, I did a little research and learned about how giving your body the opportunity to purge build up toxins and other effects of the sometimes poor lifestyle choices we make can lead to feeling dramatically better. Not knowing any better, I picked one a pretty rigorous program (Martha's Vineyard Diet and Detox) and started it on December 26th (so I wouldn't miss out on all the Christmas goodies).

Talk about an interesting experience. For three weeks I lived on nothing but vegetable juice, pureed vegetable soup, tea, whole-food supplements and water. At first it was hard and sometimes I would get intense cravings, but after a while I stopped being hungry and fell into the rhythm of it. Part of the detox is having colonic hydrotherapy to purportedly cleanse the large intestine of any accumulated debris, plaque, excreted toxins, etc. Certainly not my favorite part of the program but I decided to be a stickler and follow the plan to the letter (except for the so-called gall bladder stone purge which makes no sense whatsoever from an anatomical, physiological or gastrointestinal perspective). At times my energy level was very low and at others quite high. They warn of something called a 'healing crisis' which is the body's reaction to having a hard reset done to it. I think I had at least one of those.

Side effects? Few really but I did notice that I had a lot of secretions on my tongue. Think of what your tongue looks like the morning after a night of heavy drinking. Now imagine that happening three times a day for a couple of weeks. From what I can reason and have read, the tongue is a place where toxins are excreted when given the opportunity to purge. I am glad to say that towards the end, the level of excretion tailed off dramatically. Also, my breath had a septic, ammonia-like smell. My research has led me to conclude that this is the result of metabolizing proteins and my body's attempts to process and eliminate the excess nitrogen (ammonia is NH3). This has basically gone away now that I have ended my detox and am consuming protein again.

Net results? I feel better than I did before the detox. I have lost 20 lbs or so (didn't weigh myself before or after but my clothes are definitely fitting better). I have also developed a new-found appreciation for food and how I consume it. Before, I tended to wolf things down which robbed me of really enjoying them and led to me frequently overeating as well as poor digestion and other GI distress like IBS. Now I chew more slowly and have a better idea of when my body has had enough.

I have made and am sticking to some resolutions about food and eating. First, I only buy organic food now unless there is absolutely no other alternative. I also try to buy food where I can identify where it was grown. For example, recently I bought some buffalo meat from a local rancher where I could see the buffalo and where they range. There is something profound about having such a tangible connection to one's food.

Second, I have instituted a 'single ingredient' rule. At the store I won't buy anything that has more than one ingredient. This helps me assess the healthfulness of each item I consume as well as keeping me away from all processed, prepared and pre-packaged foods. I find that there is nothing that I miss shopping this way. It also has me be more conscious and aware of what ingredients go into what I cook.

Net-net. I feel better, more energetic, more positive and calmer. I am excited by how changing how and what I eat will lead to better quality of life for me.

Time Off and Time Away

I started a 3 1/2 month leave from Amazon in mid-December. I had personally reached a point where I was running on fumes and needed some time and space to process and resolve a lot of the stuff that has happened in the past year or so in my personal life.

I love Amazon. It has captured my heart and imagination for more than 10 years (longer than either of my marriages, I might add). I have never been somewhere where there is an opportunity to learn and grow as much, as diversely and as quickly. But it can be all-consuming. Or perhaps Amazon attracts people with that particular gene. In my time there, I have seen that those who are successful and thrive there have a relentless dedication to always doing better, serving the customer (really, this is not a BS platitude) and never settling for second best. This is what makes it so vibrant.

My time off has been terrific so far. For the first week or so, I slept about 10 hours every night and took a nap in the middle of the day. I didn't realize how drained I had let myself become. I was lethargic and had little energy. I wasn't particularly emotionally resilient either. I really needed the time to reinvent, reinvigorate and reconnect with myself.

Dream It, Cook It, Eat It Postmortem

I did have the meal I discussed in a previous post back in early December. It went off marvelously. Started with the caprese salad, followed by freshly made pasta with shaved white truffles, a veal osso bucco and a chocolate granache for dessert. All in all, I think it was great and everyone pitched in and had a terrific time both preparing and eating the food. There was even a genuine Italian (tm) attending.

At this point I am scheming my next big dinner. Thinking it will be French this time.

Picking Up (No)Where (Near Where) I Left Off

As I suspected, I am a 'binge blogger.' You know the sort. Kind of like the binge drinker, binge eater, binge exerciser, binge worker. 'Bingers' have little staying power. We dabble and have too little fortitude to do things on a consistent basis. We are also known as 'power samplers.' I'd like to believe that this has to do with there being too many fascinating things to do and try for the amount of time available coupled with my chronically poor ability to plan, prioritize and have any sort of real repeatable routine in my life. Needless to say, here's round two of blog dabbling.