The Power of Endolphins

How come whenever I am stressed out the exact thing I need is the thing I am least willing to do for myself? For instance, this afternoon I was majorly stressing over something. I realized that I had things badly out of perspective and that the best thing for me to do was hit the Precor for 30-40 minutes to work it out of my system. You know, flush all that nasty cortisol out of my system. I am convinced that intense aerobic exercise does something to reduce that, perhaps through the compensating effect of anadamide. So I end up getting myself all worked up for a few hours. All the symptoms. Irritability, tight stomach, shortness of breath, feelings of impending doom, what have you. Finally, I make myself get on the Precor, knock out three miles over 40 minutes or so and I suddenly feel a Buddha-like sense of calm and serenity wash over me. I laugh at my wound up pre-Precor self and wonder why the hell I didn't do this sooner. Lesson learned today? Learned every time this happens to me? Put myself on the Precor or go for a run *now*. It will make the lives of me and all those around me so much happier.

Halo 3 or O'Hell 3

I spent the better part of the evening playing Halo 3 with Vanya, my 12-year old son. Instead of repeating everything everyone else has already written about this new release, I will give the impressions of a 41-year old guy who never even really got the hang of Halo 2. I will get past the obligatory "the graphics are much better" and "there's more stuff to shoot with more weapons." Whew. Glad that's over.

We played on our 61" Samsung in the full glory of 1080p (or as close to that as the XBOX 360 can deliver) in two player mode. Vanya had the top half of the screen and I had the bottom. Being the first time we played this release, we started with the standard single player (i.e. not online) mission. I think this is set up to make even terrible FPS guys like me feel like mad-dog killers blowing away little triangular creatures that make funny noises and more ominous nastier blue creatures of some sort. I am sure they all have names and that Vanya has told me what they are called a thousand times but I can't keep the covenant straight from the flood. Basically, I shoot at anything that appears red in my reticle (I even learned a new word) and it feels like I get lost a lot, backtracking frequently to finally get to where the game thinks I ought to be. Occasionally, I shoot at things that show up as green because I have an itchy trigger finger, but usually stop before any real damage is done or Vanya kicks me or decides to frag my ass.

The mission had something to with fighting aliens in the hangar of some base. We started in the control room, fought our way to the hangar blowing away aliens at every turn, and cleared out the hangar. Our valiant effort allows some of our compatriots to get away on some sort of flying transport. I can't even jump onto it before it takes off, abandoning us in the base. Terrific! Then we find out we have to go back to the control room because the aliens have taken it over and are planning to set off a nuclear bomb. Wait a minute. Didn't we leave a bunch of people there to guard the control room? After all, it is the control room. Maybe these were the same ones who just took off on the transport. There's some chick in charge but I swear she left with the others. So we schlep our way back to the control room killing more aliens along the way, retake the control room, disarm the bomb and everything is great, right? No. For some reason I still don't understand, the bomb is set to go off and we have to find some elevator in the hangar to make good our escape. I swear that somewhere along the way back to the hangar, killing more aliens (the same ones that we didn't kill thoroughly enough the first two times or new ones, I am not sure), some other of our so-called compatriots take off on another transport that I can't seem to jump into but I may just be mixing the sequence of events up. Long story short, we find the elevator and push the "down" button dropping into some sort of purgatory from which I still don't know if there is relief. At this point Vanya complains that he would like to do something "less violent" so we shut the game down and fire up season four of the Simpsons.

I have had vivid dreams that are very similar to my experience with Halo this evening. You know the kind I am talking about. I find myself needing to go somewhere to do something, but when I get there I find that I have forgotten some critical item, like my clothes, and I have to go back to where I started. Meanwhile everything has changed and the place I needed to get to has magically transformed into a university lecture hall, it's the last day of class and the final exam is about to start. The only problem is that I haven't been to class all semester, I didn't even think I was registered for the class and I'm still not wearing any clothes.

All-in-all, I will admit that I enjoyed my time playing Halo 3 this evening. I do, however, dread going online and playing some sort of matched game with Vanya and 10 or 20 virtual teenage or near-teenage boys. In these situations I find myself trying to stick to the shadows to avoid getting killed. This usually doesn't work out so well as I inevitably get sniped or beaten to a bloody pulp in hand-to-hand combat. I always feel great when I can shoot some unsuspecting person in the back before someone else gets me. Of course, this is less satisfying when the victim is someone on my own side. Vanya, who in my view plays well, has a terrific way of dealing with when someone comes and stomps him, even when he is emptying clip after clip into them to little effect. "Oh, he must be a mod'er," meaning someone who has some mysterious means of granting himself super-powers and invincibility. Maybe I will start using that excuse.

Dream it, cook it, eat it

For the past couple of months I have been playing with the idea of themed "dream-it, cook-it, eat-it" dinner parties. The idea is simple. Gather a group of friends, the necessary ingredients, some great wine and a five course menu plan. Engage everyone in the preparation of the meal from start to finish. Of course, this means that there can't be any long lead time items but there are plenty of tasty meals that can be cooked and consumed in under three hours.

My first pass at this will be an Italian-themed meal. Five courses: l'antipasto, il primo, il secundo, il contorno and il dolce (not to be confused with il Duce, of course). The key is to be willing to dine slowly and make an entire leisurely evening of it. The hard part is deciding which terrific Italian dishes to make. These are some of the ideas I am toying with. For l'antipasto thinking of some combination of crostini, bruschetta, mozzarella in carrozza, calamari and caprese. For il primi, fresh made pasta (the fun part is making, kneading and rolling it) with fresh grated black tartufo, carbonara or perhaps putanesco sauce. I am holding out for osso buco for il secundo. Some eggplant or spinach would make a tasty contorno. I am dying to try something I had in Florence last summer for il dolce. It was a super light and fluffy dark chocolate ganache with rose water whipped cream. To top dinner off, some espresso and grappa. Still playing with the wine pairings for the meal. Will try to stick to Italian wines. Need to do some more research.

I will try to pull this particular effort off in the next couple of months. I am also thinking about what might be next. I would like to do something like this every three months or so. For Winter, I am considering a French country theme. Spring seems like it would be a good time to try Spanish tapas. Summer? Not sure yet. But I get ahead of myself. For now, I will focus on the Italian dinner.

Double-tall, half-caf, light-foam, no-whip mocha?

On Sunday, I was brunching with my friend's Pipo and Sebastian at Bettina's house. They own Seattle Coffee Works, a terrific little coffee shop on Pike and 1st near Pike Place Market. We were talking about making coffee, me having just brewed some stove-top espresso using one of those little Italian espresso makers. In a flash, it all became clear. I should become a barista to learn the art of drawing espresso shots using one of those enormous espresso machines. Far-fetched? Maybe. Crazy? Definitely. But what the heck. How else am I going to learn how to make the perfect shot of espresso? So here's the idea. I will volunteer some of my time as a barista at Seattle Coffee Works and Sebastian will tutor me in the art of the bean. Not sure when I am going to do this, but after a couple of days thinking about it, it still seems like a good idea.

Frankly, the idea of learning how to do this well is very appealing. However, the prospect of interacting directly with customers is terrifying. I am not used to not being in the driver's seat. For this very reason, I know I have to do this. Humility after all is something to be striven for and being in the service industry will, I am sure, offer many opportunities to practice.

The story so far

The past year has been pretty rough. Separation, divorce, grieving, realization, growth, new friends, old friends. A whirlwind of changes, "newals," renewals. A year ago I was just starting the divorce process which ended up being all consuming pretty much through the Fall, Winter and Spring. I was finally done with all the bickering, lawyering, paperwork on May 30th. What a sense of relief. Until that point, I felt like my life was in a holding pattern. Nothing was really mine. My house, my assets, my furniture, even my cars. Everything was in legal limbo. After May 30th things started to loosen up. Not all at once, but gradually and at varying rates.

Even before the divorce was final, I started to take steps to create the life I wanted to have. I was sick of waiting for it to somehow happen spontaneously by itself. It never did. I fulfilled a years-long desire to take singing lessons, finding Katy who weekly helps me learn how to use and develop my voice. Currently, I am working on some jazz pieces which one day I may have the temerity to perform for others. I had always loved cooking but took it on with the kind of passion I demonstrate for all things that grab me. While I had started to develop a taste for wine over the prior year, I also dove into this amassing a terrific collection mainly of great reds and a few whites. My desire to fill my home with life prompted me to adopt two kittens, Booger and Shy. Black-furred terrors but too adorable to remain mad at for long. I am creating the community I crave by entertaining friends in my home. Acting classes start 10/1.

I have embarked on a path that has me seeing life as a continuously unfolding new adventure that I can mostly make up as I go. Beats having expectations both unrealized and unrealizable.

Obligatory "first post" post

Following the advice of my friend James, I am starting a blog. Why? Good question. I write for myself and writing always helps me get clear on what's what. Sometimes putting these thoughts out to the world is more powerful than writing them in a journal, irrespective of whether anyone else ever reads them.

So this is an experiment. An experiment that may pan out or may not, leaving yet another well-intentioned, well-started blog as a mostly blank canvas.

First post? First real post? Stay tuned!