What came first, the music or the misery?

So starts High Fidelity, the most juvenile, self-centered, meaningful movie I think I have ever seen. Do I identify with Rob? You bet I do.

Anyway, driving to Crystal Wednesday, I found myself annoyed, angry at people on the road, frustrated with the state of the world from listening to NPR and generally in a foul mood. I have been developing more of a consciousness about what I am feeling and when I am reacting in the moment and trying to apply the principal of detached observation. This is something I had been aware of for a while but re-picked up from reading Instinct for Freedom. I used to remain so engrossed in my upset or else backlash and feel shitty about how I am reacting and beat myself up. Holding the neutral stance is hard but has the power to diffuse the feelings if you are willing to sit in whatever is happening for long enough. During this particular episode, I backtracked and realized that I was angry before anything I felt upset about had actually occurred. Wondering further, I pondered whether this is how it usually works. We get upset, we find something to be upset about and then fixate on that as the cause creating the rationale for how we feel. Not much more to say about this one. Call it realization number twelve thousand, five hundred and sixty two.